zanded or expected.

In a marriage,

In a marriage, after the honeymoon, when both settle down to everyday living, the unrealistic projections become apparent. Then comes the inevitable readjustment period of gradually and painfully becoming aware that the other is not a god or goddess but an ordinary mortal with human qualities, who cannot live out for you the unfulfilled and undeveloped aspects of yourself. Of course, the struggle is not relinquished easily, and plenty of effort is made to try to force the other to conform to the unconscious image of a perfect mate.

It gemrally takes anywhere from five to twenty years of marriage before both decide to quit trying to make the other over into his own image, and finally accept him for what he 180 The less persistent ones drop by the wayside. That is why statistics show that the greatest proportion of marriages break up in the first five years.

MATURE LOVE

The unhappiness during the se periods is due to the fact that the early promise a couple felt in courtship days was not fulfilled. This is largely due to the fact that in trying to make the spouse into something he was not, and could not become, both missed the things they really were, which woro so valuable to them. So, when they finally give up trying to make each other over, they become aware of the person that is really there, and are usually surprised that it is a real nice person after all. Then they fall in love all over again, only this time it is different. This is what we call mature love. The first stages that I described are the abnormal stages I referred to earlier.

This whole picture is further complicated by the many different ways people will try to compensate for love they could not find in their marriage. Many of the irrational things they do which bring themselves and others much pain are the results of this attempt to compensate. The husband throwS himself into his work or into a series of affairs which he might call love affairs but which are mostly devoid of real love, and therefore seldom more than momentarily satisfying. The wife may turn her energies to her household duties, making them supreme rulers of the domain, or to her children, smothering them with an unnatural affection. These things then become the further source of bickering and conflict